One of the pleasures of my time on retreat was settling into the rhythm of the liturgy of the hours, praying alongside the monks throughout the day. For someone who loves going to church, that routine is about as good as it gets. But I quickly noticed an unexpected obstacle to my prayerful participation: my voice stuck out.
There were other women on retreat and attending the hours, but none of them seemed interested in chanting at an audible volume so mine was the only treble voice and I had to work hard to sing softly enough to not stick out. After observing the monks chanting antiphonally at Vespers on the first night I figured out which side to sit on – only one side of the of the split choir sang loudly enough for me to have a chance of blending in.
There’s a time when my voice is needed, and a time when it’s a distraction, and I’m always evaluating what my volume should be. When I visit those places where I can neither hide nor blend in, I do my best to hold back, but know in my heart I’m not meant to stay there very long.
For the next few weeks I’ll be sharing photos and reflections from a week of silent retreat at Gethsemani Abbey. Check back on Tuesdays for more or subscribe.
