It is convenient that just at the point that I feel I can’t take another second of my packed-solid routine, I come up on a two-week break. I have burned the candle at both ends, had a lot of balls in the air, you name the cliche, I’ve done it. So now I have two weeks…to work out every day, learn a few new arias, write lots, and read 300 pages of Rahner. Sounds like a great break, right?
Recently I met a man who does this astonishing thing on the weekends: he rests. So I’ve been trying my hand at it, sometimes not packing every day as full of activity as I possibly can. It is difficult for me. More difficult, in fact, than teaching a full day, singing a concert, and hitting the treadmill after that, like I did yesterday.
I remember once, when lamenting some deadline I had missed or task I had done shoddily, saying out loud “if I weren’t so weak I could do all of this”. Literally, those were the words that came out of my mouth. I knew immediately how ridiculous it sounded, and yet part of me still believes it. How many of us still believe that about ourselves?
So maybe this break I will give myself a break, lest I be the one to break myself. Except I still have to do my reading. Rahner waits for no woman.
Good luck. I agree, it’s difficult to just take a day off. I kinda feel like “lazy!” and “You can totally do it” but then I think about it and force myself to just take a deep breath and sit where I am.